…a journey of the heart
Being surrendered to God in every area of our lives is a must. It’s not okay to have a ‘mostly surrendered’ life. You’re either in, or you’re out. That is, at least, the goal. Yes, we are a work in progress. Some days I feel surrendered to God in the morning, and I fight it in the afternoon. I am surrendered when it is easy and all is well, and when a trial comes, I want to whine and tell God what to do. It is a process, indeed, and I am learning. Most recently on this journey of surrender, I’m learning to pray surrendered prayers. It is something I hadn’t thought of until recently. Prayer is prayer, right? A couple of weeks ago, I was praying for a pressing need. I was praying scriptures – speaking God’s Word – over a situation. Deuteronomy 30:19 says, “Today I have given you a choice between life and death, between blessings and curses.” And Psalm 1:1 says, “Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers.” I prayed these scriptures specifically over my son, with the logical answer already in mind. Of course, as a mom, I know what it looks like for my son to choose life and not death, blessings and not curses, right? I know what it looks like for him to not follow the advice of the wicked, stand around with sinners, or join in with mockers, do I not? But God said to me, “Don’t pray that prayer with a preconceived idea in your mind of what it will look like when I answer it. You don’t know what I’m doing. You don’t know where I’m taking him.” Dang! God showed me in that moment that living a life truly surrendered to Him also means praying surrendered prayers. It means praying prayers and truly trusting His answers, whether I like those answers or not. Whether I understand those answers or not. Whether or not He answers in a way in which I can see the good that will come from it. Whether or not I can see with my earthly eyes that He is working all things together for my son’s good. Even when I can’t see, I still must remain surrendered. Praying in this way takes blind faith. It takes a surrendered heart. It means laying it all out – I mean everything – on the altar before God, and truly trusting Him. It means speaking the words in prayer as God directs, and not the words I think need to be spoken. It means speaking the words and then taking my hands off. It means not speaking words of demand. It means giving up control, even if that control is only in my mind. Oh, and by the way, giving up control also means not fretting or worrying while the need hangs in the air. So today I am surrendered. I trust God with one of the most precious things He has ever entrusted to me. I trust that He has my son in His hands even when I can’t see it. I trust that He is guiding his steps and directing his path, and when it looks like he is walking away, I trust that God is following him. I trust that God is taking him somewhere, because He told me so. Praying a surrendered prayer is a whole different animal. It is the most difficult thing for a mom, as well as the easiest thing. It is surrender.